Work on Friday was beyond trying. So much so that Ed’s Voice came back strong and clear.
Can you relapse while in a relapse?
Ed’s Voice is fighting for the reigns again.
I am so angry and not at myself [for once!] and this is where the struggle for the reigns is.
Ed is trying; whispering to restrict. Ed won on Friday. But the anger was so strong and since I could not destroy or act on my emotions I binged. Hard. Ok it was probably normal eating for the rest of society but for anorexics—ooooo wee!
I wanted to vomit so much that I kept eating and hoping that I would eat till I literally puked. I was really close last night.
Therapy today. I thought it would help with dealing with Ed’s Voice.
It was a lot of me trying not to cry and feel hopeless in a situation that makes my therapist angry. At least that was validating. She is such a huge help.
So back to the battle for control with Ed’s Voice.