Ed’s Voice Does Not Discriminate

Today at therapy, I had to pose to Cherry a sticky situation. Can I participate in Passover?

I am a practicing Jewish lady. Passover starts next Monday evening. Passover means no yeast or leavened products. Some take it to mean no corn syrup as well.

For an anorexic, it can mean trigger and relapse. Hell it worked one year! Completing restricting food groups and using religion as an excuse? What more could Ed ask for?!

This year I want to participate for actual religious reasons. To connect with my inner spirituality. Maybe a higher level.

As I had to explain this all to Cherry, Ed’s Voice played in my head–tell her what she wants to hear, this is a clean slate, wean back down again and religion what an excuse!! Definitely felt like Jeckell and Hyde in my head!

So I explained how I had been researching kosher for Passover meals. How I have a few more food items to add to my menu this time around. How while, yes, I had been triggered in the past I would really like to participate still. How I have started planning some meals and will meal prep ahead of time.

We agreed that I can as long as I continue to eat–no excuses of matzo I’m bored of you I’ll skip [Ed is pissed that that was foiled!] as well as present a menu of meals for the week. Not necessarily a strict stick to it meal plan, but list of meals I can eat so there are no excuses to not eat.

Now I sit down trying to find kosher for Passover meals. And fighting Ed’s Voice that I am going to relapse and be triggered, again. All to be presented on Monday.

Wish me luck!

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