My Last Post At This Age

Tomorrow is my birthday. That in itself is a trigger. But I am really hoping this year will be much different. This week I have thought a lot about the last year.

While I feel like nothing has changed at all, a lot has changed at the same time.

I have lost a significant amount of weight—healthily. I have amazing friends who have been ever so supportive of me on this journey. I am eating! I am getting the help I need. My parents are finally coming around to my issues. I went to a concert!

I am dating and still abstaining from sex even though I have been with this guy for 1.5 months! That’s huge for me.

I am really hoping this year will turn around even more and bring me even better things. So far I know it will: keeping with two times a week with Cherry and one day a week of group therapy. I am getting the help I need.

I am hoping my romantic relationship might be something sustainable. I am hoping to finally get a job in my trained field and to leave the one that currently makes me want to relapse. I am hoping to have the strength to stand up for myself. I hope to not prematurely end relationships yet at the same time end toxic ones immediately without hesitation. I hope to find exercise as a joyous relaxation and not a have to for weight loss. I hope to get another pet rat to love on. I hope to declutter my life. I hope to be genuinely happy. I hope to eat more foods and be a real vegetarian–not a Cassietarian. I hope to make myself proud. I hope to end the comfortable bad behaviors such as restricting, starving, fat pinching, fat carving, and fat grabbing.

But mainly get another job, lose more weight, and be strong enough on my own. 😀

Here is to another year: I enter it tear free, for once. Focusing on the positives and taking care of myself more. Alright, Cassie. To another year of life. You’ve made it this far; your track record is good thus far.

Happy birthday to me.


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