Ed’s Voice on Online Dating: Pick a Box

The following is an excerpt courtesy of Ed’s Voice. It was composed in December 2013.

Backstory: I had been attempting the online dating for about a year at this point in time. I had hit a point where I was very angry at the whole dating scene. I had been forced into online dating because I am in no location that allows for dating–except for married or engaged doctors who are looking to cheat on their wives and had openly told me so. I was also very tired of being judged as a person based on my “shape.”  I am pretty sure most of you who read this can relate.

 

I will never be able to do online dating–not without relapsing.

I fear judgement. I fear judgement and that is all that it [online dating] is. Why do you have to know my body shape? It does not tell you what I have been through; my struggles. It does not tell you my moral stances; the lives I have saved. I am still trying to see how my body shape shows men that I have several degrees, love to laugh, rock the bedroom, am caring and compassionate.  Because apparently my body is not saying that. It somehow says exactly who I am as a person *attempted sarcasm*. It doesn’t determine or say anything about me, me as a person.

 

But society thinks so.

 

So, pick a box.

 

The options? Heavily negative for women; very positive for men. Biased? Huh.

 

So, pick a box.

 

Okay. Here are my choices: thin. overweight. skinny. average. fit. athletic. jacked. a little extra. curvy. full figured. used up.

 

Okay when I was at my lowest weight at the peak of my anorexia, I still had cellulite and curves because my bone structure leaves me with a pear shape. So yea I am curvy. But yet everyone still thinks curvy is less than full figured [fat] and more than average. Which, by the way, average is apparently deemed to be fat because I see many people on these sites choosing average and the last time I checked “average” did not mean 100lbs overweight.

 

But why does this even matter?!?!

 

So, pick a box.

 

Where’s the one that says:

I am anorexic—have been since I was a teen. There are indicators that I have been my whole life but it was at its worst when I was a teen.  After starving myself for many years my body saw starvation like the children in Africa—when I relapsed, I starved myself and my body knew better—so it stored all as fat also like the children in Africa when re-fed. I gained weight. I starved myself more. I kept gaining weight even though I hardly ate most recently went a whole 3 months without more than 4 snacks during that course of time. But now I’m in recovery and healthily losing weight… because I’m not starving. I lost 65 pounds in a matter of 3 months of refeeding.

That’s the shape descriptor I need.

 

Yet no one will understand.

 

Or care to try to.

 

They see fat chick and think “lazy, bad person.”

 

Not “she’s battling anorexia and her body fought back.”

 

I’ve been killing myself and all they think is “fat and lazy.”

 

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