All I’ve Got

I know I should post more because it helps me clear my mind to brain dump.

But I feel like I’m not reaching people the way I thought. I thought if have more followers, comments, questions. I thought I’d be helpful.

The past few months have been so. Rocky.

I am 5 weeks in on Round Two of group therapy. This one is actually more beneficial and a lot harder to deal with emotionally. Yay 3 days of work and 3 days of therapy!

On the positive side, I have picked up volunteer activities and have kept with the dance.

The dance has been a huge struggle. I am now in 3 classes and 5 routines for the show. The show is in 2 weeks. I’m freaking the fork out. I pulled out of 3 routines. Two of them are just plain sexually inappropriate. I’m too self conscious for that. The other I just don’t feel good enough.

Ya I’m picking up the routines with ease. I’ve got it. I just don’t feel like I look good enough–aka how I used to look. I love it. I’m sticking with contemporary and lyrical.

My volunteering is phenomenal. I’m working with kids who are post transplant, cancer, ill, etc. I LOVE it! Playing with kids?! Yes please!! Playing with kids and taking their bad time and making it like a normal life? I’m super sold!!

And I’m more excited to be honored to be invited to help throw these kids and their families a Halloween Carnival.

Currently baking 40 cupcakes to decorate for them. I am excited just thinking of the smiles that will come to their faces!!

Yes I haven’t slept in 6 days. Yes I just got my version of my period. Yes I’m weepy because of that. And yes I possibly might not have eaten for 27 hours when I calculated it out until I grabbed Jamba Juice for group today. But as Cherry said as my goal this week, just go with the flow don’t make any firm plans.

Because I keep thinking how lucky I was last year I feared candy so I ate nothing. I want to be there again.

I was fearful of temptation. And mainly because oh yes I’m PMSing so I feel MORE guilty for eating, feel fatter, and am surrounded by this hell.

Here is to focus on the positive. It’s all I’ve got.

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