And the Diagnosis Is…

Well where to begin. October 11 I got the flu shot. My workplace lied to me and swore they gave me the preservative free. My body proved otherwise. I had an allergic reaction. It was a ride. 1.5 weeks of feeling so lethargic, gross, cranky, just blegh. I fought Ed’s voice the whole time–not easily might I add. Right after that? I got another virus. I was super sick. Why? Because thanks to the allergic reaction, my immune system was shot. And the. After that I got a cold. So since October 11, I have been sick. About 1.5 weeks ago, I found myself rerelapsing. I was heading down the path of liquid diet…the gateway food. Hahah sounds so silly.

Well I barely ate at work. And I had a huge dizzy spell, faintness, severe headache, and swore I needed glasses.

Last night, I was waiting for dance to start and I felt this sudden pain in my neck–lymph node style. It radiated to my lower jaw line. At first I thought, I’m having a heart attack–I really did it! Anorexia is killing me and it’s a heart attack! I took my pulse. No issues. It continued. I got home and was convinced it must be sinus infection but it’s atypical presentation. But it hurt!

Popped a Tylenol, hit the sheets, woke up with interrupted sleep. It felt better this am. Took a shower and out heat on it and it was feeling much better. Driving to therapy it just progressed to worse. I had an earache, my face feeling swollen on one side, soreness everywhere.

Of course my big comeback show is this weekend.

I decided to go to the doctor [I HATE GOING] but intuition told me to.

Ladies and gentlemen, I was right. I have a full blown acute bacterial sinusitis.

Thanks to the struggle with anorexia, all my senses and sensations are off. Pain? I’ve managed to somehow distort it and ignore it. So this whole time my achy throb sore is really supposedly super horrid pain. The doctor was trying to prescribe me pain pills. I was like nopes I’m good just give me the antibiotic.

I’m supposed to be resting and pushing fluids for 10 days, 7 minimum.

Cherry kept telling me to slow down and rest. To sleep. That my body rerelapsing was a sign that I needed to sleep and get back on Cassie track.

Well my family thought I was full of it. Being dramatic and lazy.

Now when I slapped that form with the diagnosis on the table, they were like “oh.”

And then my mom turned around and told me to work more.

Support team? Nopes!

So I have to work on what I learned in group last week– objective vs relationship vs self respect. Right now, my priority is self respect. Have the damn backbone because it is how I will get better.

Stand up for yourself, Cass. Tell work no extra shifts. Friends need to chill out. Boys can wait.

Get sleep. Relax. Destress. Drink a TON of fluids. Pee it out.

Ready. Set. Go eff yourself Ed’s voice. I’m not selfish for taking care of myself because it seems my body is fighting back. Again.

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