Tomorrow night, I am auditioning for another dance team. My current studio has different teams based on genres. So far I am on the burlesque one. I was dancing with contemporary but it seems that they will have an official team.
I’m freaking out. I want this one so bad. It is totally my style of expression. But when I talked with the studio director, I [possible Ed’s voice] heard that I’m in the intermediate and the team will be advanced. And we have to freestyle at tryouts. I don’t freestyle. Ever. I just panic.
So I feel like I’m not going to make the team. The team leader invited me to tryouts. The team leader and director do keep commenting on how I learn routines really quickly [awesome to have in dance]. Like literally I missed ~3 months because of the illness and I learned 1minute 20seconds of a dance in about 35 minutes. And retained it the following week where we tweaked it and added more on. They both commented how I learn fast and were blown away by this.
I really hope that, who I am, and my performance ability gets me on. That they realize I learn quick, am improving quicker, and want this.
Because then I would have gotten something for the first time in years and all because I worked for it and deserve it.
So now to wait and freak out.
Tomorrow night. It goes down.
My boyfriend is strongly encouraging me to try out. I was going to then chickened out then he convinced me to do it.
I might not be able to do all floor work. And being fat while the rest can wear any costume keeps popping up in my head.
Fuck. All against me.
I just want to compete. Another purpose. Something to make people proud of me.
I feel like such a failure. I mean, I fail at anorexia right now [but win at life…saw that somewhere on Pinterest].
Just one for Cassie? I mean 2015 is turning out to be my year, can it please continue?? PLEASE?!