The 3 Month Freak

Today’s freak out post is brought to you in part by yesterday skipped pain med so some pain today, PMS psychosis, and the anorexia urge to flea from those who care.

Yesterday was my 3 month anniversary with PC. This is a HUGE deal for me. My last serious relationship ended in February 2012… As in over 3 years ago. And the last 2 years of that were sketchy to say the least.

PC has shown me what a real man does for his lady. Blown my ex out of the water. So, naturally, I want to push him away. Losing him would be devastating. 

I know I’m better than his ex based on what he has told me. But they broke up only months before he and I met. I always fear I am rebound…but he dated several women in between. I’m just the first relationship since his ex. His ex of two years. The one whom he lived with. And I later found out he was designing a ring to propose to. Ha no pressure Cass.

So I am always freaking out that he slows things down even more because he is comparing me to her. 

My ex and I? We saw each other several times a week. We said the 8 letters 3 words after 3 months. I know PC and I are at a different place… This feels healthier and better and more real. But I can’t help but freak out.

It’s been 3 months. I haven’t met anyone in his life. He has only met my dad. None of my friends. He should have met my friends and family. He should be more involved with them all. We have been dating 4 months!!! No excuses!!

I feel like we are just going nowhere sometimes.

Yes he makes me so happy. And he says I make him happy.

And this week I spent the night at his place and he trusted me to leave and lock up whenever I left. That was awesome and a big step.

We do have our big trip coming up this weekend.

But I’m not sure.

I feeeel like there should be other big moments for us.

Maybe seeing each other way more. Like yes we work opposite schedules so how do we fix this? Does this mean discussion of moving in? He renews his lease in June. Am I part of that? Yes it’s early but everyone else I know moved in after one month of knowing their partner. I just want to know its discussion!!  

A key to his place? 

Meet his friends!!! 

Meet my friends?! The rest of my family? 

It’s like he wants to go slow. I can’t figure it out.

Cindy thinks I should talk about it. Just like the no latex condoms he still has and how that upsets me. But I can’t bring that up now because I have been such a whiny bitch (perception) with work stress and application I just don’t think it’s appropriate timing.

I do feel like steps forward and steps backward are happening. Not sure if they are just exaggerated by Ed’s voice and PMS. 

At 3 months I do a check in to see if I’m happy and should continue on. This is it. I’m happy…ish. I need more guarantee and reassurance from him. Especially since his family does not know I exist.

That has to happen by 6 months he likes it or not. I’m not going through that again. I was hurt very badly in my relationship by that. Never again. I’m not waiting around.

PC claims he appreciates me and I make him happy and how he’s falling for me and is almost there. I’m almost there but I can’t get there till he gets there first: my walls can’t come down till I know he is just as susceptible as me. 

I’m still freaking out. This is me on Ativan. Can you imagine otherwise?! Hahaha

3 months seriously committed…that freaks me out. Dating for 4 months. That is serious breh. 

I have a huge urge to end it with Rob. Push him away. Don’t let him in. I already trust him and who is to say he isn’t cheating on me? I don’t know his friends or family or anyone. He could lead a double life. Like my ex.

Ugh.

At least I only have a short work week this weekend!!!

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