Vegas was amazing. But filled with struggles. My birthday was crushing in itself. I am on day 2 of 4 for work so I can’t talk about my birthday because I’ve cried twice already in therapy and I’ll lose it if I blog it. And I nearly lost it at work today with my toxic boss who just took the opportunity to cut me down. Rude!
Spoilers: ultimate rejection by family.
PC was great but I struggled with his birthday celebration. Picnic in the park. Push for food. Felt like I let him down. Convinced it’s over and he’s over me. Separate post.
All in all this week is just fabulous at making me feel undeserving and worthless.
Cherry wanted to rediscuss how I am an anorexic who doesn’t restrict to lose weight but I restrict for the other two reasons: 1) I do not feel worthy of food 2) to punish myself. I thought we established this but maybe it was a recheck in? Yes I know eating will help me lose weight and I’m fearful of being fat but I hate food and not eating feels much better; especially if I feel unworthy and feel I should punish myself. Sometimes I can’t hurt others or punish others so I do it to myself instead.
Happy. Birthday. Cassie.