I really dont know whats going on.
im seriously on a drug trip–high mother fluffers!!! like dopamax status!!
but i dont get it. i havent changed medication doses. im not abusing my meds because i never could do that!! ativan mmmm maaaaybe. but thats it!!!
but tonight im feeling hypo. and flying. and i love it. ive done nothing different and yet it feels like when i was firsf adjusting my meds witb topamax. yeeee!!
this stuff used to freak me out. now i enjoy it because its rhe only high i can get.
but i think PC hates it.
I told him about it. it scared me at first. but when i started walking i felt like i was fliding and swimming on land. it was magical. the magic i needed after such shitty moments. well deserved. i was all smiles.
but then i opened up. too much. i got nervous and felt like he judged me when i said i was ok feeling stoned and didnt need to go to the hospital. calm down bro. so i kept talking. and about my meds. *head slap*
i think he is really upset with me and not saying anything. maybe this is the feared end. maybe no 5 months on tuesday.
we havent had sex in over 2 weeks. since i got back from vegas. uhhh im dying. i need it several times a day.
last week was excused—he was legitimately sick. plus we nearly did.
but tonight?! not even a move!!!! barely a kiss!!!! can the dumping sign be any clearer?!?!?!
i brought it up and he says its past his bedtime and he is tired.
IT IS SEX.
WHAT MAN TURNS DOWN SEX UM EVER?!?!?!?!?
thats how i know.
tweedle lee deedle lee. meep mop moop.
ill ride this high while it lasts. go to sleep with a smile on my face. never know when this will happen again!!