I have been officially cleared for [monitored] take-off.
I start running tomorrow.
I have been very scared as to what this might mean. I want to do it for weight loss. But I also want to do it to connect with PC–he is passionate about his training for Iron Man. I also want to do this so I can run a Disney race. I cannot afford to do my dance team right now which has been eating away at my soul and I cannot control myself in the gym. I need a free form of exercise. I’m drawn to running because man have I known a lot of people to lose a lot of weight that way! Just saying. Oh and it is free. But there are some great apps to help me out.
The only races I would ever EVER run are Disney, Breast Cancer, Color Run, Glow Run, Ovarian Cancer, and a Pediatric run. An eating disorder run seems hypocritical.
Anyways, I have always hated running. Not my thing. I do not have the attention span for it. But I reaaaally want to do the Disney race. And I feel like I could somehow manage to do a 5k. So that is what I am training for.
I have a coworker who runs almost all the Disney races and she does the 5k, 10ks, and halfs. She thinks I will be ready for the 10k. I was geared up to train for that, but I managed to convince Erin and Cindy to do a specific Disney race with me. They agreed but only in 5k form. So 5k it is!! Who cares it will be at Disney!!!
Anyhooters, last week I figured I could start training and not tell Cherry about any of this at all–my little secret.
I somehow found every excuse in the book not to start. Mainly because my anti-Ed voice was fighting me. Tell me, how is it the one thing from initial treatment years ago stuck around?!? I cannot exercise without a partner because I will lose control: I have no sense of time when working out.
And somehow I feel too guilty to cheat.
So I told Cherry. She was glad. We made a plan. She downloaded one of my Couch to 5k apps. I have 3. Well one specifically allows you to add buddies. So I will have that one on my phone and turn my internet on so it will track and record me. She bought the app [a whole $1.99 as she says but I am still flattered she did it] and we are buddies on it now. She will be able to track what days I workout, how far I go, my timing, etc. Yes it is holding me accountable but mainly it is her way of being up to the minute on my individual exercise log–something someone with anorexia will easily lie about it or lose track of thanks to Ed’s voice.
I am officially signed up. I have my playlist ready to go. I have my workout outfits all cued up. Cherry is my buddy to track my progress and monitor my activity without pestering me. I have my Camelbak so I can put my phone to track me and my itouch with my other Couch to 5k music playing list in it [I have a droid phone and an itouch with music on it]. I have literally crossed my ts and dotted my is.
Cassie is cleared for take off.