You know that feeling where you just can’t win? Where you are sad, hopeless, worthless, unappreciated and turn to someone and then while looking for life meaning validation they end up just validating your thoughts and feelings?
I nist want to escape.
I hate food. Again//still. I feel like I keep fucking things up with PC and like we will not make it to 6 months in 2 weeks. I feel worthless in my dead end job shere people keep reminding me my 2 Bachelors degrees, licenses, and certifications are going to waste–I am too smart and am wasting away. I jist want to dance. I just want to NOT be sick. I want to live NOT with my toxic parents and family.
Everything feels like a vicious cyclical spiral. Around and around I go. Trapped with only one way out and it is not coming.
I feel a manor relapse coming on. And I do not think Cherry sees it coming this time. I am slipping and I am too tired and burned out to fight it anymore.