7 Surreal Moments of My Life

A list of things that are unreal, yet this shit really did happen. In my life. They are in no particular order.

  1. Pulling myself out of Millie’s bridal party because she was fucking a married man. Who had kids. And continued to do so into the marriage when she got caught and had no remorse. Then blamed me and somehow some of our family believed it.
  2. Going to an ex best friend’s wedding and she was so wasted she passed out during her first dance. Her groom held her up. I was convinced that MTV was there filming.
  3. Freshman year of college, my roommate had a psychotic breakdown. Tons of stories there. But the surrealist? She got her period, wiped with her hands, and wiped her hands on the walls. It looked like someone was murdered. I wish I had made that one up.
  4. In college, I had access to some of the top 1% parties. In one night at the same party, I had: Absinthe and chased the green fairy, hooked up in the pool with my crush, made out with one celebrity, hooked up with another celebrity, had sex with an ex, was invited to a threesome, played beer pong [and won], did body shots, had two separate guys profess their undying love for me, and was offered a modeling spot as a Playboy Bunny. Pretty sure a cheesy college movie was based on this evening as their were directors at the party. [please note I was in the throes of anorexia at the time so the sexcapades and alcohol was a coping mechanism].
  5. Being in the right turn lane at a T intersection and the motor home in the left hand lane decides at the red light to turn right, hitting my car and dragging me. Then come to find out she was not insured because she had stolen it, was on cocaine, and had a meth lab in the motor home. 
  6. The numerous times I have been shot at.
  7. Coming back from Vegas with diamonds and jewelry men feel the need to just give me. No I don’t sleep with them.

Because I cannot make this shit up. My life is fucking odd and off the wall. Badgyr wants to write a romcom and book about my life because it’s so unreal. What can I say? I already have reality slips as I call them [derealization] because even reality is just plain weird.

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