Ooookay I know I should be talking about my eyes. Because honestly they hurt.
And yet the limited TV I am watching today thanks to strain issues, I see a commercial for Halloween costumes. And I am reminded that the season I fear is fast approaching.
I love Halloween!! I love the costumes, decorations, passing out candy, and the concept.
And for almost all those same reasons, I hate that holiday.
My anorexic mind hates that I have to join the societal culture of slutty costumes and the costumes only being made for size tiny and super skinny.
Those beautiful and cute costumes. Midriff and cleavage bearing costumes. Booty hanging out costumes. Costumes that you need more alcohol than is socially appropriate for someone who is past her college aged years to be consuming to wear in public. Those costumes.
And then the candy everywhere.
Now I’m a bizarre anorexic. Well, we already knew that.
Anyways, I buy food, hoard it, and sit it next to me when I feel the need to eat. By having it next to me, I lose the drive to eat or consume the junk food. This is driven by food guilt, shame, and feelings of consumption and anxiety just by its mere presence.
Since it is Halloween all that candy and junk food increases a gazillion percent; it is everywhere. I do not even have to hoard it and pull it out–it is already there! This is bad because I then feel like I have consumed all this candy and have immense guilt. Since it is everywhere all the time now, I just get driven to not eating.
Then of course it is followed by thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years…all food based fattening socially centered around pot lucks and food holidays.
Looking forward to this.