Anorexia’s Holiday Hell Season Approaches

Ooookay I know I should be talking about my eyes. Because honestly they hurt. 

And yet the limited TV I am watching today thanks to strain issues, I see a commercial for Halloween costumes. And I am reminded that the season I fear is fast approaching.

I love Halloween!! I love the costumes, decorations, passing out candy, and the concept.

And for almost all those same reasons, I hate that holiday.

My anorexic mind hates that I have to join the societal culture of slutty costumes and the costumes only being made for size tiny and super skinny.

Those beautiful and cute costumes. Midriff and cleavage bearing costumes. Booty hanging out costumes. Costumes that you need more alcohol than is socially appropriate for someone who is past her college aged years to be consuming to wear in public. Those costumes.

And then the candy everywhere.

Now I’m a bizarre anorexic. Well, we already knew that.

Anyways, I buy food, hoard it, and sit it next to me when I feel the need to eat. By having it next to me, I lose the drive to eat or consume the junk food. This is driven by food guilt, shame, and feelings of consumption and anxiety just by its mere presence.

Since it is Halloween all that candy and junk food increases a gazillion percent; it is everywhere. I do not even have to hoard it and pull it out–it is already there! This is bad because I then feel like I have consumed all this candy and have immense guilt. Since it is everywhere all the time now, I just get driven to not eating.

Pas bien.

Then of course it is followed by thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years…all food based fattening socially centered around pot lucks and food holidays.

Looking forward to this.

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3 thoughts on “Anorexia’s Holiday Hell Season Approaches

  1. Pingback: Anorexia’s Holiday Hell Season Approaches : The Christmas Blog

  2. I also have a love-hate relationship with Halloween. I love the concept, I love seeing my nieces and nephews dressed up and going with them to trick or treat, I love handing out candy (assuming any kids show up). On the other side, there are NO decent costumes for fat people, which means makimg my own. And normally, the holiday season means lots of binging and purging for me. I “can’t” (won’t) do that now, so I’m left to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to consume/not consume all these amazing foods that in years past have been completely at my beck and call and now I have to be responsible and have to NOT PURGE and it just feels overwhelming. Trying to face that bridge when I get to ut but it’s hard not to think ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I WISH I could not eat just by having food near me. That just makes me want to eat it more. Having food anywhere in the house is dangerous for me. I know that the holidays mean lots of delicious foods and my sisters who are both dieting and feel morally superior for dieting and me trying to figure out my recovery/bulimia balance with them around not eating and feeling like better people for it and…now I’m just rambling.

    Liked by 1 person

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