Here is a quick update since I posted a lot last week and I left a lot of open ended posts when I looked back.
*PC & the Cake
PC loved his cake. I am still fairly skeptical but he seems to have loved it and eaten his share of it. He was very touched by the gesture. I still wish it was better….perfect. The kid who has not celebrated his birthday in years and refuses to seemed to be beyond touched that we celebrated it. I think he will no longer fight me when I want to celebrate it in the future assuming we have a future.
*PC Post Wedding
Well the whole weekend was beyond stressful with work. So much so I am back on Prilosec–yeeyeeee! PC kept messaging me how much he missed me and loves me. That was nice because I had it in my head he would go and want to break or or worse, leave me for his ex. Neither happened. I went to his place Sunday night and we spent the night and Monday am together. It was nice. We did have a serious conversation about us. You know, the hard one about where we both think we are and our expectations.
Thankfully we are both on the same page about marriage–not there yet. Which is weird because he keeps telling me I am the one. But he does not want us to live together yet but we are moving closer to it he says. I was disappointed because I was hoping that maybe come January he and I would be living together… I guess not. I know he moves slowly. He also wants to wait several years before engagement. Idk about that. Clearly we have more to talk about.
But it was an excellent beginning to difficult conversations and we handled it well so I am ecstatic about that!
They are still off and not perfect. I sustained much more intense surgery and procedure than expected and I have to keep reminding myself that–that I need to be patient and gentle with myself; I am healing.
Speaking of… I have been physically exhausted since yesterday. Like I was driving and nearly passed out asleep! Ditched both my therapy sessions this week in favor of sleep. [and also avoidance of something really bad that happened last week. And I had a weird intuitive feeling. Which I nailed].
I need to prioritize what my body needs and clearly it is sleep. My allergies are out of control thanks to half of California burning. When I saw my doctor for my follow up appointment today, we both agreed we think it might be asthma from allergies. So tonight I hit the inhaler…and I am going to make it look sexy!!!
I have scratchy throat, congested yet runny nose, and shortness of breath. It is baaaaack!!
Is abandoning me. Yes that is how I see it. My intuition was right. She emailed me that she was going to tell me her grant came through and she will no longer be seeing patients. Effective November. I feel completely abandoned. I don’t want to retell my life story. I should be happy for her but I finally get my change and we can proceed with my recovery and she leaves me. I am at a a loss of words. Aaa and in another crisis the fears of finding a therapist that is her well shit.