Archive | October 2015

How to Choose the Best Theme for Your Business Website

The WordPress.com Blog

Building a beautiful website for your business begins with choosing a theme — a design that controls page layout, widget areas, and default style. With more than 350 free and paid themes on WordPress.com, selecting a theme for your business website can feel overwhelming, but you can make it easier by focusing on these three questions.

What Am I Publishing on My Website?

Draft a visual map of your website to help you plan your site structure and decide what you want your homepage to look like. Will your homepage contain static information about your business like a welcome message and business hours or do you want to showcase your latest blog content?

In a theme overview page or when trying out a live demo, look at how the theme handles Widgets— tools or content blocks that you can add, arrange, and remove on your website. Widget areas can include…

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5 Things List

5 things was originally by the fabulous rr1996

I loved the idea so much that I asked his permission to recreate it! Here is my version! ❤

5 Things I Absolutely HATE:

  1. Not being heard or understood
  2. Ignorant people
  3. Entitled people
  4. Food
  5. People who take credit for my work and effort 

Can People Please:

  1. Just stop the drama.
  2. Ditto to R: accept when they are wrong…it’s called accountability and responsibility.
  3. Stop being so addicted to technology? Get off your phones. Get off your tablets. Get the fuck off Facebook. Connect with people.
  4. Stop assuming that because I’m overweight that I’m lazy/inactive/bulimic? I’m anorexic. Why would I lie and make that up? And proceed to tell you? 
  5. Start caring for their children and raising their own children? You’re not their friend you are their parent. You are the reason they are unable to behave. 

5 Things I Want:

  1. My trained profession and a job worthy of my skill set
  2. Pet rats
  3. To be thin and fit
  4. To have money so I can afford to move out, dance, and take trips
  5. Cherry as my therapist again… But to have a known therapy treatment team and plan right now.

Would It Be Okay If:

  1. The EDM club and dance scene was as vibrant here as it is in Vegas
  2. I actually got the things I asked for and deserved because I sure have worked hard and earned them…….
  3. People kept their religions to themselves and private? Because clearly there has never been a separation of church and well anything… What you believe is for you and your choice religion. Stop telling others how their life choices are wrong.
  4. Someone showered me in expensive gifts and payed my rent?
  5. There was a national holiday dedicated to cheese. And we had two days off for it.

I

PC Abandonment Update

I’ve been surprisingly ok with PC being gone in another country. This time has ticked away.

The urges to and compulsions to lose a significant amount of weight before he returns have quieted down a bit.

That said I was a total fat ass the past two days and have eaten a ton of Halloween candy. Another post.

Anyways, I think I have been okay with this space because it allowed me to focus on me. The job change has been stressful in the sense that I need to be perfect; I must prove I can learn quickly and am the perfect employee. I’m anorexic and, apparently as much as I want to deny it, anorexics typically have type A personalities.

So I have been able to be selfish and not feel guilty about it. I can come home and do nothing. I sleep in my own bed. I pretty much am still sleeping a lot. This is me still adjusting to my schedule. I knew this would happen so this is not a shock for me.

I am less and less tired as the days pass so I am adjusting well. But I credit it to not having to put physical energy into my relationship. It’s almost like fate gave me this small reprieve.

I’m not having to tell PC no and turn down dates and overnights. We text each day so there is no need to have to be immediately available. The time change, for once, has been in my favor.

I have definitely learned that I really love him and enjoy having him in my life. He is my partner. We left on somewhat rocky terms–we had a pretty big [i thought fight but clearly disagreement because it’s insignificant now] disagreement.

Which brings me to the whole point of this post.

I’ve been so fine with him gone, that I never realized how much I would crack today when he sent me a message saying “Happy Anniversary in my country.”

Tomorrow is our American anniversary. A big landmark one for me; one where I sit back and evaluate whether or not I stay in this relationship or not. [he knows it, too].

There is no question for me. And I know he is all in, too.

I told him earlier this week I wanted to write a letter to his parents introducing myself because I’m not going to wait any longer–it reminds me of my ex and why we failed. PC feels he should never intro a girlfriend to his parents until after one year. Oh hell. No. I told him at that mark, at this point in my lifetime, we know whether or not we are going to get married or not. Or end it. I’m not wasting my time again. I know what I want.

So when I told him my idea about the letter this time, he did not fight me. A big step for us.

I knew he would not be here for our anniversary. We would celebrate after.

But I can’t stop being teary eyed. I’ve missed him yes. But now I miss him so much. His face [only been able to FaceTime once and no real pictures due to the security of his location]. His touch. His hugs. Obvi the sex. His smell. Just being around him.

A big hallmark anniversary and our first Halloween and he is missing it.

I have to be strong because I know he is so homesick. And there is a lot of job pressures and stressors. and he was so strong for me when I wanted to die and had relapsed because of my toxic job not even 5 weeks ago.

But it’s hard for me to be strong when my partner is so far away and all we can do is text. I feel abandoned but it’s not his fault it’s his boss’s.

DBT: Simple Mindfulness

  

Try these. Everyone can add mindfulness to their lives and everyone can benefit.

These extremely simple interventions or tasks are mindfulness examples. 

Some are easier to do than others. 

Some should be done daily. Like number 3—I practice taking 5 minutes a day each day to myself–no phone, technology, music, or anything. Just focus on breathing and quiet. I amazingly feel really recharged afterwards.

Try one of these this week. See how it goes. As always, feel free to share if you feel comfortable. 

My DBT Crisis Notecards Project

Someone had mentioned something along this line during my DBT group. Then I saw this on Pinterest during my crisis time and realized this spoke to me on many levels.

So I am going to make myself this mini project–merging the idea of the nursing school notecard organizer with notecards with DBT notes for crisis intervention on it. 

   
 

Wins all around. Anyone want to join me? We can work on it and post pictures of our progress!

I am going to do cards with quotes, pictures, and reasons to recover as well as the DBT cards.

Productivity

Today I just wanted, and needed, to sleep most of the day away.

But I had plans to see Erin for brunch.

I woke up, bitter because I woke up. I had a hard time sleeping–turns out intuition was on high and knew that PC was going to message me at 0230. So I just kept reading and low and behold he did. We texted for about half an hour until I knew I had to go to sleep because I had to get up.

I was anxious about eating today. Ed’s voice has been working pretty hard lately. I still want to lose weight before PC gets back. Something is making me anxious and I can’t put my finger on it yet [is it still the loss of Cherry and lack of support?].

We met at a buffet chain that basically focuses on salads and carbs. I had salad, which is huge for me since I just started re eating salad only a few months ago–it was removed from my safe foods list after getting severely sick from it in college [they gave us rotten salad]. In a nutshell, anything that makes Cassie vomit immediately goes on the never to be eaten again list.

I digress.

So I was freaked out. Tired. Still sensitive stomach to a degree. Still sensitive uterus [that bitch]. Just more acutely aware of that area.

And while I ate less than Erin and way less than I usually do, I can’t help but walk away feeling like I ate the entire buffet. Pretty agitated.

Erin and I did get to talk and she is going to join my gym. With no Cherry telling me no + Ed’s voice getting louder + increase need to lose weight, Cassie is going to break her medically frozen membership.

Erin and I will be buddies. So at least I am still stuck with that. And PC wants to go with me as well.

This means I could get 3 days of 5k runs in and 3-4 days of gym. And when I gym, I always end witj deep stretching. I’m pumped and so is Ed’s voice. Like ecstatic.

I can’t wait to unfreeze!!

I’m also ecstatic to be able to see Erin more now with my new work schedule!! First time since I’ve known her! Sooo many things we will do!!

On my way home I swung by an office supply store and did what I was supposed to do months ago–pick up my food behaviors log notebook. I also picked up one for my gym log. I want to track it all. Patterns are indicative of a lot. Especially in me who suffers from purge behaviors of excessive exercise.

And of course I got a million other things!! Some more stuff for work. Mini on sale backpacks for my cousin’s daughters. Binder rings for my DBT crisis notecard project [separate post]. Pens for my letters to PC/addressing holiday cards. Badgyr’s journals. Mini binders to put cards I want to keep–a separate project.

I came home and tried to take a nap but PC text chatted. Stupid time difference. Stupid he is stressed out so I have to support him even though I’m agitated how I’m sacrificing my sleep to be available to him but not vice versa.

Then I was like ok time for forced dinner because I need to eat. That just felt gross. Wanted to skip.

I worked on several projects and that felt great to get those done! I finished my Rolodex. I made my Food Behaviors Log. I made my Gym Log. I even painted my nails.

Feels good to get that all done.

Tomorrow is a long day.

So I’ve been productive but I’m not sure if it’s mania or actual my life getting back on track.

The end result was things were crossed off my list. So I am going with productive. 😛

To Post Or Not

I’ve been struggling with whither or not to do this post. Mainly because my past few I feel shows I’m feeling more confident and recovered. Or maybe I need to convey that I am.

Fake it till you make it?

PC is on another continent; in the other time zone.

After first I was really upset. But between the whole return of anorexic hell [manstruation {yes Immunity I, too name things after men that cause me pain}], coping with the time change for jobs, coping with the seasonal changes [I am still convinced I have seasonal affective disorder to a degree], and getting over my latest gastroenteritis I have actually enjoyed him being gone.

Our time differences has allowed me to focus more on me and I do not feel selfish for it.

And I have noticed that I have lost weight.

😀   <—–big grin


So I set a new goal for myself: lose so much weight that PC cannot help but notice and comment when he seems me after his lengthy trip.

Perfect! I have the time. I will have the energy. What can go wrong?

PC told me yesterday he thought he might come home early.

Ed’s voice demonstrated that I clearly do not have the reins.

I was actually disappointed.

Sure I’m horny as hell. I need sex. But him coming home earlier than planned is less time for me to lose the weight. And that just freaks me out. That is not what I planned; what Ed’s voice has been whispering to me as plans.

And I feel like a raging selfish bitch. Like I’m 19 again.

All emotional attachment turned off. Fuck to fuck. Sex is raw. Escape coming in many unhealthy forms.

I don’t want to go back to that shadow of me again.

Which is why I was so tempted to not post. But then I remembered: Cassie, the whole point of this blog is for insight into the struggles you experience. Hiding them is not showing transparency or how hard it is. That is what won out.

I know it comes off as shallow but I don’t know how to explain to you that my desire to be thin overrides everything else.

I love PC and of course I want to see him and have him home! But to have him wait and come back and see me thinner? Now that’s a pleasure that Ed’s voice and I agree on. Like orgasmic pleasure.

I want my readers to see inside my head. This week, that has been my other struggle.

Besides being sick and missing work and feeling worlds guilty, I have been obsessed with weight loss again. Just trying to get the energy back to push it further.

I am horrible at taking my own advice. I know what I should be doing. I know all the interventions!! Just cannot fight it on my own. And not sure I want to sometimes. Especially if it means I can be a size Large again instead of XL.

Yes very very gross.

DBT: Distress Tolerance- ACCEPTS Skills

  

This is DBT: Distress Tolerance ACCEPTS Skills.

It is what to do when one is in a crisis situation and needs to de escalate the current emotion at hand. These emotions include, but are not limited to: self harm, suicidal ideation, eating disorder thoughts, anger, anxiety, sadness, mania, etc.

The idea is you utilize one of the letters of ACCEPTS to change your process and basically distract yourself. Most boxes are based on ACCEPTS Skills.

  • Activities: physically doing something. The point here is to change from the stimulus that upsets you. Go for a walk or run. Call a friend [let them know ahead of time they will be your go to person] I used this one a lot in the beginning and it was very helpful. Color. Text a friend. Email a friend. Yoga or stretch. Read a book.
  • Contributing: giving back. This one builds self esteem and confidence by having one change the focus on contributing self unto others’ service. Volunteer [I do this weekly and it helps a lot]. Do an act of kindness. Give a compliment. Write a thank you note.
  • Comparisons: compare self to when felt different. Remember a time when felt happier. Remember a time when things were worse. [not a personal fan of this one as I always diminish my feelings as is].
  • Emotions: change to different emotions from what is being experienced by opposite action. Do not do something that enhances current feelings and emotions, as tempting as it may seem! Watch a funny movie. Read a book. Look up jokes on the Internet. Watch YouTube clips. Watch a scary movie. Read a scary short story. Read a love short story. 
  • Pushing Away: temporarily push away the painful situation. Come back to it when there is a better handle on situation and emotions. Like putting a pin in it and placing it on a cork board to be dealt with when more time, energy, and resources are available. This is a difficult one to do and requires a lot of patience, self love, and practice.
  • Thoughts: completely replace thoughts through full immersion in an activity. Read a book. Read a short story. Learn a new language. Again, do not do something that enhances current feelings and emotions, as tempting as it may seem!
  • Sensations: focus on other sensations; one single sensation, completely. Light a scented candle and focus on the scent. Take a bath with scented soaps/bubbles/fizzies. Spray perfume. Turn on a lava lamp or glitter lamp [these are my personal favorites and discoveries so I added it in. Completely calming and distracting. Just watch the lava]. Touch something soft, smooth, or silky [blanket, stuffed animal, swatch of fabric, sweater, keychain, etc.]. Blow bubbles [huge fan of this one]. Touch something rough. Pop bubble wrap [one of my go tos]. Suck on a mint. Chew gum. Suck on a lollipop. Eat something spicy/salty/sour–focus on the flavor sensations [ya don’t do if you have an eating disorder]. Listen to music [I always do this too and I do it very very loudly. If I’m in my car I do it so loudly the vibrations are felt and it makes a big difference.]. Listen and focus in on nature. This one is fabulous for a crisis box–fill a box with different things to help you de escalate your emotions in a crisis situation.


I have a crisis box that utilizes the aforementioned ACCEPTS Skills.

I picked up a pretty box from Michael’s that is patterned with a saying about sparkle [something that speaks to me. I keep it by my bed. Inside is:

  • Bubble wrap [aaaa lot], fuzzy nail polish [comes out rough when dry and calms me down], sudoku puzzles, notepad for making lists, coloring book, crayons, markers, a picture, friendship bracelet string, and a pen.
  • I have a candle and a lighter near my bed ready to go.
  • My lava lamps are used nightly. The glitter lamp heats up the fastest and is on a shelf that is my zen corner: has the glitter lamp, calming perfume, and a picture frame with 4 beach shots in it. I can see it from my bed.
  • I have fuzzy blankets and pillows on my bed because I am tactile. Even loveys to hug.
  • As someone with anorexia, I avoid the food one altogether.

I hope this was helpful! If you have any questions, or even need suggestions or help constructing your own box, please do not hesitate to reach out and ask. 

You can ask on here or more privately on kik or email.

ℭαṧṧїℯ

Email: soundofedsvoice@gmail.com

Kik: CassiexEdsxVoice

Adolescents and Eating Disorders

clairelewiscounseling

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, nearly 95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25. For about half of those individuals, depression is a simultaneous issue.

Many people blame television, pop culture, and social media for the onset of eating disorders. Indeed, the media bears its fair share of the responsibility (check out a NYT summary of this famous research study done on Fijian adolescent girls), however, the cycle in which many adolescents find themselves caught actually has much more to do with painful emotions than media pressure.

The cycle tends to go like this: You feel uneasy (i.e. anxious, sad, bored, resentfbulimia-bigul, etc.). You desire to cover over those feelings, so you use food as the drug of choice (either abstaining or consuming) to cover those feelings. After temporary relief, you feel guilt, shame, self-hate, or hopelessness, which renews a sense of self-hatred that then…

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Struggles with Ed’s Voice

This past week I started my new job which meant a whole new group of people.

besides wearing real clothes that show my body instead of scrubs which can hide it. Yuck. Ed’s voice has been having a field day with that obe. So stressful. Anyways.

There is no little lounge to eat at–most eat at their desks; around each other. It’s that or eat right outside in the hallway where passerbyers see you.

Well Ed’s voice has me freaking out about what I eat and eating in front of new people. So I opt for the latter option and eat in the hallway. It is nice to have the sunshine. It sucks that I do not get privacy or quiet time. I miss that about my old job.

And everyone is uber healthy in my new job. So I’m feeling paranoid and fat with my snacks. I do not want them to see what I eat. If I eat.

I ordered snacks today off of Amazon so that I will have some alternatives. And it is subscribed so it is consistently delivered–no excuses for lack of food. A helpful way to fight Ed’s voice. If Amazon only knew….

Ed’s voice has been pestering me that I’m a fat ass and I can’t eat anything right. That I eat crap. That I am showing how fat I am when I eat. That all are judging me by my food choices. That I do not deserve to eat…at all.

I thought about what I ate last week and fought Ed’s voice. My snacks were actually decent. All I consumed were shakes, protein style granola bars, and chewy bars. Sometimes but packs. Sometimes fruit snacks. Pretty damn good.

But it was food.

Fuck I really need Cherry.

And I need to do the food diary until I get a therapist. This struggle blows. I didn’t even recognize Ed’s voice.

So now I have more buts, granola bars, pop chips, Annie’s snack packs, and protein bars coming. Oh and shakes. Building up to more meals and better meals.

It’s so fucking hard.

And to do this on my own.

Ed’s voice is really hard to battle.

I need Cherry.