Go to sleep.
because then i wake up and i have to
Go back to that place… to that hell. To the place where I cannot survive.
i do not know what i will do. last weekend i threw up a lot. this time in theory i should do nothing while the trainee does it all. but it never goes like that. it is always me having to
Deal with the hostile work environment–the bullying, the harassment, the never good enough comments, the looks, the slander, the libel, the isolation.
it already blows knowing i am not getting a thank you from my managers or coworkers. there will not be a potluck, appreciation meal, gratitude of any form. i will not receive any going away gifts or cards. i organize them for everyone else’s but no consideration for me. now i am forced to
Face these fears-come-blatantly-true [even if false lies due to the hostility].
i just cannot handle that external cue, again, after thinking it was over, again and survive. it is too much.
i am not good enough. i will never be good enough–for them.
they bullied and harassed me because i was too good. never thanked for all the loads i have carried; the lives i have saved, the calm under pressure.
because i am not good enough and never will be.
i never got the appreciation potlucks and presents from staff. nor the holiday ones either. how do you think that felt?
i am begging you.
Please do not make me.