Just An Ugly Day

Today was a rough day all around.

But it all just peaked when I got my period. You know, the anorexic girl’s nightmare. The cue you are fat. Well, to me at least.

It sucks because I distinctly remember thinking last night and this morning–wow I look like I’m thinner; like I’ve lost weight; must be because I’m less stressed out. 

And then I get my period. 

Which means I am seriously bloated right now, hormonal, dealing with 10-20lb weight gain, cravings, and the hormones send the anorexia into overdrive because of some weird hormonal imbalance.

Now I have Mirena IUD. Which means that I may or may not menstruate. And if I do it might be light spotting. 

I managed to get rid of that several months ago with my irregular eating habits…again…because you know I am once again a relapsed anorexic.

But today I had the spotting. And not just my usual light spotting. Like enough that it was not just dried blood it might be red. Ya ya overshare. But this shit is beyond triggering for me.

I don’t think my eating has honestly gotten better in the course of a month for me to have enough nutrients in me to even menstruate. Clearly.

And I can tell you why it’s triggering to have a period. But just know it means I’m healthy. And that I don’t like.

But this time I don’t have a therapist to guide me through this.

I’m Mr. Solo Dolo. Thanks Kid Cudi.

3 thoughts on “Just An Ugly Day

    • Thank you for your support!! I really appreciate that!! Ya this has been a life long battle. Normally I dealt with it but the past few years I was very lucky to have an amazing support therapy team. Now I fly solo as I await my next therapist. Just have to hang in there. >.<

      Liked by 1 person

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