21. My bad habits… Haaaa well anorexia is one. Self deprecating is another but it’s not in front of others. Not being able to rely on myself for cues. My anxiety. My panic. My cuticle biting. My lip biting/picking when stressed//anxious. Shutting down. Feeling fat always. Not showering when I’m really stressed out. Well let’s stop there.
22. That I haven’t been? More places in Canada. Europe. Every Disneyland. New Zealand. Australia. Polynesian islands. Thailand to see the Buddhist temples. Mayan temples in South America. France. Amsterdam. I really really want to do the concentration camp tour.
23. Hahahahahaha obvi!!! Yes. Hence the anonymous blog?! But seriously, sooo many people have edged me over in my life I have learned to rely on no one but myself.
24. Sleeping. It’s escaping my life and the anorexia.
25. What body part? Uhhhh all of it?!?! But seriously my stomach, thighs, butt, arms, calves, cankles, gobble chin, face, lack of back dimples, spinal column and joints for the pain. Skin and scalp for the eczema.
26. Hit the alarm because I’m still adjusting. Then check email. Then pray for the heat deities. Then run//drunk walk to the bathroom to pee and take am meds.
27. I wish I was tanner//bronzer. I used to be much tanner but fluorescent bulbs have not been too kind to me.
28. PC and my bffls.
29. Almost every single one of them. Morons.
30. I used to say hands down no hesitation yes. But now I’m so scared that I’m not sure. I don’t believe in divorce for myself because it’s not the solution for me or an escape. We will work our shit out unless he cheats or beats. But PC feels like the one. And that scares me so now I’m all hesitant because before him I was pretty convinced I would die alone.