Doctor Appointment

Oh skippee, I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. I’m notnsurenifbthey are going to like hearing what I have to say.

No, I am not ok.

I was left out to dry. I was cut loose with nothing in place or setup for transition. I’ve been floundering on my own. I’ve been barely making it by.

I was in the middle of the most toxic situation possible. By myself. I went into a severe change. By myself. I’ve dealt with serious things. By myself. I’ve had horrible blights and fights with Ed. By myself. Edie has shown up. Well at least there is three of us. But still!! By myself.

Eating disorders do not have recognition like Bipolar Disorders or Depression. I know some want to challenge it but it’s a fact. More research is piured into those two mental/behavioral issues than any other. It is even discussed in media and society. There are movements to promote them more openly than eating disorders.

Which is ironic since eating disorders are the deadliest.

This is not meant to be a comparisson but a point of why I am not able to openly talk about it. It is so taboo it freaks people out–friends have dropped me when I told them about it. Best friends.

So I cannot just be like, hi I have anorexia I need to take 2 hours off in the middle of the day twice a week [minimum] for my health and therapy. No. Not in today’s society. Not if I ever want a job in my dream healthcare profession.

But apparently the last eating disorder clinic appointments start at 4pm. 

Because you can’t work and have an eating disorder?!?! 

Wtf?!?! I mean seriously wtf?! 

I just started this new job so it is not a choice for me to be demanding and shift changes. It doesn’t work that way.

And based on how gossipy, nosy, and ready to screw you over my new coworkers seem to be [not all but large portion of the 15 people], I am not divulging a deep dark secret like that.

So I’m stuck.

It’s like, I have to be hospitalized to get the help and support I need but if I am I lose my job. Which pays for the help I need.

Life is a cruel twist of fates.

And I get to explain all that stress to my doctor tomorrow.



3 thoughts on “Doctor Appointment

  1. Totally get where you’re coming from. Sometimes you want to just shout “I have an eating disorder. Let me do what I need to do!” It’s so hard to be open about it anyway, and then you feel judged and awkward. Especially when people have stereotypes and think you aren’t think enough to have anorexic or that they’ve never seen you do x y or z. It’s so hard xxx positive vibes & hugs your way

    Liked by 1 person

      • I know diagnostically speaking you have to be underweight, but it’s surprising that people don’t always recognise what underweight looks like. It looks different on everyone, and weight gain doesn’t mean you no longer have the illness anyway. You are in recovery or have developed another disorder. The whole thing is so complicated & I hate people watching me eat too! X

        Liked by 1 person

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