Damage Done

I’m on a vacation with PC. It was been romantic. It has been intimate. The trip will be outlined in another post later. Right now I am posting a quickie one the damage I did today.

I had hoped to come back from vacation with some crazy injury from sex. Like stories I have heard: rugburns, sprains, strains, limps, shit even a fracture!

Well I think I obtained the last one. And it wasn’t even cute!!! So it also came with an additional hurt: my pride.

I, Cassie, was getting into the shower [shower/bathtub] this morning after an awesome intimate experience of a couple’s massage [and PC’s first massage ever] to rinse off all the lotions. Because my OCD FREAKS out otherwise. Upon stepping in the tub for my shower–the one PC refused to take with me…yes all business–I discovered it was slippery. Like the stories I’ve seen on tv, in movies, and at work. 

I was left foot in, pressure on it swinging the right foot in when I lost it all. I remember the slipping feeling, too. So bizarre. My left foot slipped up in front. My right tried for grip but knew what was happening so braced for impact by angling out and my shin caught for brace on the tub. I think that helped prevent me from hitting my head. I swung my left arm back to grab for something but oh wait there was nothing!!! So it did a full pivot and out stretched propping me up. I do not recall a pop or snap. Having had that twice in that same shoulder [where I thought it was dislocations but turned out I fractured my clavicle both times and walked around due to high pain tolerance and parental neglect telling me I was being dramatic].

PC saw the whole thing and flipped out. I tried to do a traumatic assessment on myself all the while he was freaking. We know who the level headed one is now.

I was mortified that happened.

I felt so fat.

I still do!!

I am grateful it was only my arm and pride that’s been hurt. But pride with anorexia is never an easy comeback.

I am in significant pain that’s hard to dismiss. I am worried that this could be a fracture and I am not getting it taken care of like it should be. I have sat on two breaks and they healed improperly with consequences–never again!!!

Coincidentally I spoke with my doctor today. We talked about my past and how I normally neglect these injuries and how I’m concerned because this side has sustained injury before. I am trying to be better; to be self aware.

Right now, I’m recognizing the pain and that it is a problem. It scares me. Being ignorant is blissful with these.

Now I’m thinking how I have to wear a sling. My exercise is restricted…. Again!!! How this can impact my work and my sex life. And all during the Christmas time of year. Where food is everywhere.

I’m feeling fatter than before.

Ouch. My arm/pride. 

The damage is done…so can we fix this?!?!

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