Running On Empty

I’m still hurting. And I’m so scared that my ankle isn’t going to get better. Or my shoulder. 

I feel like I keep getting blown off by my doctor regarding my pains.

I am so frustrated that I cannot workout right now–I am going insane! 

My anxiety is getting to the point where it is out of control again. My OCD is in high gear.

Yes it works in some positive ways.

I am cleaning hard core. I am getting super organized.

But the negatives almost outweigh this.

I’m obsessed. I am having serious compulsions. My thoughts don’t stop. I’m seriously physically exhausted from physical pain and anxiety combined. I have to finish things and now.

I am meeting with my temporary therapist this Wednesday. Not sure all what she can do… She is a social worker. They claim she is specialized in eating disorders but I highly doubt it. She is a page filler until insurance sends us the list of approved providers for the year. Goodies.

I almost feel this awkward hypomania starting. I keep fighting it because I can’t have that right now–I’ll end up really hurt.

A ton of upcoming doctor appointments. Yay.

Been still dealing with bullying at work–this one bitch straight up told me “find another job” for no reason at all. I pretty much started getting teary eyed. Just so over it! Can’t fight the bitch. Talked to my direct lead and this bitch has problem behavior. Fabulous. Can her ass. It’s not acceptable.

But I should have learned by now my job endorses that bullshit.

So another check mark for tired and stressed.

Yet I keep volunteering. And trying for a social life.

I want and need to read and sleep and relax and clean and organize.

Too much.

I’m on fumes and I’m barely there.

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One thought on “Running On Empty

  1. You can get through this, Love! If there’s one thing I have gotten to know about you, is that you never give up! And you don’t let bitches get in your way! 🙂 The injuries are a setback for sure, but it might be a good opportunity to let your body heal and to give yourself some relaxation time. Turn your anxious energy into something productive and something that makes you happy! Being organized is pretty great! And you can steer some of that energy and worry into getting better and doing what’s right for you – which may be a challenge but will be best for you in the long run.

    I’m rooting for you, babe!

    Love,
    K

    Liked by 1 person

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