Tired of Fighting

I’m so tired of fighting. Fighting for a therapist. I lost mine because she gave up seeing patients. And no one could absorb her load. And then starting a full time real job I can’t miss work to go to appointments in the middle of the day two times a week. So even though I starve myself and its deemed a serious issue, it’s not “that bad” because I won’t but am not able to take work off for three hours to go to a therapy appointment in the middle of the day.

Because if you have an eating disorder, appointments are only from 9-4.

Total shit.

So I’m done fighting.

Only way I’ll get help is if I’m hospitalized or dead.

Thank goodness me and my anorexia have been found to be linked as lifers–meaning I have had it since I was an infant.

No one takes eating disorders seriously anyways.

They are only the most lethal disorder in psychology.

No big deal.

2 thoughts on “Tired of Fighting

  1. I so feel your pain. Why does getting treatment have to be so difficult? As if recovery by itself wasn’t hard enough! I was recently forced to get a new insurance plan, and I had been perfectly happy with the old one, but my husband’s work decided that they needed to save money. Whatever. So I was going to a few groups and individual therapy and was really getting a lot out of it. But now my new insurance will only cover if I’m part of the IOP which mandates 9 hours a week. So I can’t get covered for 5 hours or 1 hour, even though it’s less, no it much be 9. Can I go 9 hours a week? Sure if I didn’t have to make money! I work in the afternoons and evenings which is when the IOP takes place. So like you, I’m stuck in that stupid in between spot. I’ve been sick enough to need (and did get) inpatient care. I may or may not be sick enough for an IOP, but I can’t be doing well enough to just go once a week. But having nothing has not been good either. And I cannot afford to pay out of pocket. But it’s just anorexia, right? No biggie since I’m not drastically underweight anymore. It doesn’t torment me every moment of the day and cause other health issues, nope, not unless you’re skinny enough. Stupid insurance companies, reinforcing the mentality of the ED: I don’t deserve help unless I’m too thin. Great job, people. Guess what? It’s just a matter of time at the rate I’m going with my lack of support. Might as well wait until I’m skinny, when it’ll probably be too late!

    Liked by 1 person

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