Just …

We are on a roll so let’s just keep on going.

After months of fighting for medical attention over my severe shoulder pain from my shower fall I am just getting care for it.

After multiple attempts at physical therapy appointments and being cancelled for bogus reasons in advance… Like a month in advance [1st time they didn’t bother to tell me they cancelled me] I had to patient advocate for myself and just got in at another outside PT clinic.

I just had the appointment this week.

And it turns out I was right while everyone blew me off. No big deal or anything, my shoulder pain? Oh it is just a rotator cuff injury that I did serious damage to and what’s that? Oh turns out that issue I complained about with numbness and tingling FOR YEARS and exacerbated with this injury? Just first rib issues–potentially Thoracic Outlet Syndrome.

Just nothing to worry about.

Just microtears in my ligaments and tendons at its best in my shoulder. That with potentially minimum of 6 [who are we kidding it’s going to be renewed] weeks of PT, could resolve the issue. Best case.

Worst case we are talking just surgery that I know has a small resolution rate.

There is a range of 20-40 degrees difference between sides in different positions. Seriously significant.

I am flexible so my impaired is yalls “normal” I get it but it still hurts. And looks bizarre compared to my other side.

Still have to assess my ankle.

What does this all mean to the fat anorexic?

Just that: 

  • I cannot run
  • I cannot rollerblade
  • I cannot lift anything
  • I cannot exercise at all
  • My stretches are limited to barely pushing to pain in that shoulder–further will destroy it.
  • I cannot wear backpacks. Or purses on that shoulder.
  • I have to watch my posture all the time.
  • I am fucking broken.
  • I cannot do any exercise for a minimum of 6 weeks but looks like 12. 
  • I feel really really fat, overwhelmed, and like G-d hates me.
  • I have a 5k I wanted to do and I have to slow walk it because no arm pumping.
  • I cannot sleep on that one side.
  • My mother thinks it’s all bullshit. Attention seeking crock.

I not only hate my body, I just hate my life.


5 thoughts on “Just …

  1. Oh my God, I’m so sorry! How long have you had this possible thoracic outlet syndrome?

    It is so sad that even though you’re in the health care field and know what is happening you are getting what sounds like sub-optimal treatment. And then you have ignorant people with minor health problems who cause a scene in the ED because they think their problems are more important than others’ and they get treated faster just to shut them up.

    I know my situation is not nearly as serious as yours but even with my little hand injury I am so incredibly depressed and frustrated. So I totally hear you ☹ I was going to finally join a gym near my place and actually finally had time in my schedule to go – and then what happens? I break my hand and get surgery and can absolutely not lift weights or do any cardio. Not only can I not hold anything in my left hand, but I have to keep it above heart level for a full week after surgery for optimal healing. (Although THAT warning was TOTALLY not necessary at all since any time my hand drops to below my chest level it throbs in crushing pain).

    I have already gained weight because I started bingeing again even before I broke my hand.. and now that I can’t do any form of exercise I’ll be right there with you ☹ … what can we do besides starve ourselves so we don’t gain weight?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Omg a) never a comparison lady!! But yes I hear you!! I finally started training for my 5k and all this shit happened! It’s definitely made me depressed as well. I can’t exercise because my entire left side is injured. Beyond frustrated. Of course…I did just have that race so stay tuned for that post. ;]


  2. Can’t believe it’s taken so long. What can’t of healthcare service is this?! Hope that you can slowly recover from the injury & get back all the activities you aren’t able to do at the moment. Injuries suck and I’m sorry this is happening xx

    Liked by 1 person

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