Of course life is always ongoing and happening. That isn’t what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about Life: the bitch that comes to you when you need a few seconds to fill your lungs with fresh air before being pulled back underwater and is the one that takes you back under with a forceful yank. Like Jaws status.
You: enjoying the ocean. Maybe laying on your back and relaxing. Maybe coming up for air. Maybe like me struggling to stay afloat and gasping for air.
Life: that mean friend you didn’t see dive underwater to grab your ankles and pull you down maybe for a quick dunk or for a full on jumps on top of your head and nearly breaks your neck move. Or in my case, Jaws who smelled my blood in the water and came to finish me off.
Ok ok I might have been dramatic there but it’s been a horrid week. I needed to run with my creativity.
Work is, well, ha. If you followed my saga last year I’m right back at that exact same point. Go team!
Physical health is a mixed bag yay! The anorexia is not so swimming. Thanks to the gynecology clinic last week! Shout out to gyn!
I went in and ended up having one of the worst experiences of my life. From receiving a phone call 3 hours prior telling me I was supposed to not have eaten anything or drank anything because I was having IV sedation [surprise!! I asked and asked and no one told me and I did not receive a preop call either], to being told that I had to have this procedure done before my IUD exchange–a lie.
But the real beauty? Society, and healthcare, is very insensitive. Very, very, insensitive.
So besides my chart saying my anxiety disorder and eating disorders on it, I guess there is no other way to explain or give an excuse of how someone did not know my history unless that are wanting a lawsuit for poor practice and bias.
Yes I am a fat anorexic.
My chart wouldn’t lie and it’s not YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE or challenge that especially as a healthcare provider!!
So when I went into the room and the medical assistant tried to force me onto the scale and I told her over and over again “I don’t do weights, I have anorexia, I asked and was told I wouldn’t need to otherwise we would have prepared for this” I was not prepared for her eye roll and attitude.
Or her threatening me saying they will just cancel me and schedule me in the surgery suits.
WHO DOES THAT?!?!
WORST CARE EVER!
I was then left alone for 30 minutes in a panic attack.
The doctor came in and was mortified by the care I received. She confirmed what I knew: a weight was not needed.
She apologized and calmed me down. We did my surgery right there: removing a cyst on my labia.
She said she was going to talk to the team about their behavior and educate them on sensitivity to eating disorders and listening to patients.
That’s great and all but what about what I dealt with and how I have to go back?!
I have stitches in my vagina and it hurts so bad! Sitting, walking, standing; it’s alllll bad!!
And this happened right after my move.
So I decreased my fluids and food so I didn’t pee as much because well you should get it.
It still hurts. I feel so fat and the stitches remind me of it.
Then a few hours ago I found out it was a very rare benign tumor. So rare I had to call in favors to find out cancer statistics and recurrences.
Oh, also, cut off from seeing my therapist because my insurance group has deemed me as not needing coverage and has not covered any treatment for several months. Found that out yesterday.
Eating disorders: the deadliest psychological disorder and one of the least acknowledged ones–connection?
I have to wait till this is all smoothed out. It could be weeks.
And I potentially face a top fear of a scale next week pre IUD exchange. Sans support. IDK WTF I am gonna do or how to do it!!
Hi Life. I’m back to being fat and struggling on my own again.
Can’t keep going on like this.