Therapy Update

Well so much for getting back to me by the end of the day. Two days later I heard from my therapist. Bitch basically doesn’t want to work with me. She’s turfing me off.

She did not even save my therapy spot. After all we went through with my work to secure a slot. And I’m part of an ongoing study about some bullshit immersion treatment for long term anorexia. I mean 3 years of therapy come the fuck on now!!

She’s made zero effort.

She’s “proposed me to the team to figure out what my next steps in care should be.”

Did I mention it’ll be at least another month before anyone could possibly see me?!

And her comment?!

I wish I could show you the screenshot but it would give too much away.

Why didn’t I seek lower cost care while the insurance was being figured out.

Yes she was fucking serious. Making me look non compliant and like I didn’t really want help.  

She failed to mention in my legally documented note that her visits are FREE UNDER MY INSURANCE THROUGH OUR INSTITUTION  and there end fucked me up. I can’t see anyone else because they are out of network so  no they are not lower cost, nothing is when I am supposed to have free.

So I lost it. Fucking again.

Thankfully that day I saw my primary. That ended with a suicide screen and a reminder that no I don’t actually have to hurt myself to get care even though that is what I am planning I can just walk into the ER and tell them I am having thoughts and they have to give me care.

I still doubt that since I can’t get it outpatient in critical need.

And of course the whole body swelling and bloating weight gain from starving makes me just look fat and overnurished. So no one takes me seriously again.

This is exactly why eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders.


One thought on “Therapy Update

  1. Sounds like such a stressful day 😦 I don’t really know how healthcare works where you are, but are you thinking of doing the immersion treatment thing?
    Just remember that there are plenty of people (like me!) who know how suicidal thoughts feel, and that its NOT a joke. You can reach out to somebody here if you feel unable to do it face to face. I think suicide hotlines can be life savers, literally, in the times where you are just desperate for somebody to listen before you get to breaking point. I hope you feel more on top of things in a few days xo

    Liked by 1 person

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