Getting to Know Cassie

 

1. What is your dream vacation? Disneyland, Las Vegas, Australia, Poland, beach, Disney World
2. What is your favorite food? Italian. Pasta. Cheese. 
3. What is your favorite candy? Really depends. Thanks to anorexia I go through phases. Sometimes I love chocolate, other times it’s red vines, the next candy makes me want to die.
4. What is your favorite dessert? Legit cupcakes/cake/cake pops. But I can not eat them for awhile. I love lemon bars too.
5. What is your favorite soda flavor? I do not drink soda, but have been known to crack for A&W root beer.
6. What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time? Dance. Read. Sleep. Make lists. Organize. Pinterest.
7. What’s your worst fear? Not being good enough/food/abandonment/judgment/being fat
8. If you were a Disney character, who would you be? I’m not sure. Sleeping beauty or Cinderella.
9. How many times have you moved? A bit. But not as much as I should have.
10. What is something spectacular you have done? Depends on people’s definition. Dated A list stars. Saved lives. Survived when the odds are against me. 
11. What can you tell us that no one knows about you? I hate myself. I doubt I’ll ever be good enough.
12. Indoors or outdoors? Outdoors.
13. Soup or salad? Soup–no chewing needed.
14. Tea or coffee? Teas.
15. What is your favorite animal? Orca. 
16. What is your favorite vacation? The one disconnected from the world and societal expectations.
17. What is your favorite ice cream? Chocolate Peanut butter. Vanilla. Cookie dough. 
18. What is your favorite sport? Dance. To watch: hockey, college football, gymnastics.
19. What is your favorite vegetable? Lettuce. 
20. What is your favorite fruit? Bananas and apples.

Self Discovery Challenge: Part Quatre

  
Questions 31-40.

31. Yes it is. I am actually growing it out right now but we will see how long it gets because my hair does not like to be long. It starts to be dried and gross on the ends and greasy at the roots. No matter what.

32. I’m not sure since after having had a threesome before I checked it off my list. I learned that there’s going to be drama and I’m selfish sexually–I am not going to sit there and watch. Nope!

33. Fw
34. Um currently? Not exactly. Training and hoping to get back into dance–a whole other post because of the anxiety with El Niño.

35. Without tv. I actually go on kicks without it for days, even weeks. But I need music everyday.

36. Yes. Not just as a kid but even more recently. I wasn’t sure if he was interested and we worked together. This was pre PC. 

37. Hahaha awkwaaaard. It depends on if I know them or not and what is causing the awkward silence… Like serious tension or anger.

38. Yes and no it depends on the people. Generally speaking, men older is better due to their maturity levels. And from my personal experience I do better with someone who knows what they want and here in this area these boys don’t know till their 40s apparently. I lucked out!!

39. Ooo art supply stores like Michaels, Target, used bookstores, Amazon, one stop shops, Ulta, Poshmark, places with a deal… Hahaha

40. Uh I’m beyond high school?

Self Discovery Challenge: Part Trois

Questions 21-30

  
 

21. My bad habits… Haaaa well anorexia is one. Self deprecating is another but it’s not in front of others. Not being able to rely on myself for cues. My anxiety. My panic. My cuticle biting. My lip biting/picking when stressed//anxious. Shutting down. Feeling fat always. Not showering when I’m really stressed out. Well let’s stop there.

22. That I haven’t been? More places in Canada. Europe. Every Disneyland. New Zealand. Australia. Polynesian islands. Thailand to see the Buddhist temples. Mayan temples in South America. France. Amsterdam. I really really want to do the concentration camp tour. 

23. Hahahahahaha obvi!!! Yes. Hence the anonymous blog?! But seriously, sooo many people have edged me over in my life I have learned to rely on no one but myself. 

24. Sleeping. It’s escaping my life and the anorexia.

25. What body part? Uhhhh all of it?!?! But seriously my stomach, thighs, butt, arms, calves, cankles, gobble chin, face, lack of back dimples, spinal column and joints for the pain. Skin and scalp for the eczema.

26. Hit the alarm because I’m still adjusting. Then check email. Then pray for the heat deities. Then run//drunk walk to the bathroom to pee and take am meds.

27. I wish I was tanner//bronzer. I used to be much tanner but fluorescent bulbs have not been too kind to me.

28. PC and my bffls.

29. Almost every single one of them. Morons.

30. I used to say hands down no hesitation yes. But now I’m so scared that I’m not sure. I don’t believe in divorce for myself because it’s not the solution for me or an escape. We will work our shit out unless he cheats or beats. But PC feels like the one. And that scares me so now I’m all hesitant because before him I was pretty convinced I would die alone.

Self Discovery Challenge: Part Deux

Questions 11-20.

  

11. Kk can’t wait to see you then. It is in reference to gym date with Erin this week. We are finally starting our gym sessions.

12. Woaaaaaaah. That is one topic I do not discuss with people. Someone always gets offended and it is not necessary on here. Sex? Let’s get dirty. Drugs? Sure we can talk about that [you or my opnion]. Alcohol? Cussing? Premarital sex? Religion? Abuse? All are fair games. 

13. You know I never had an issue with big crowds until my most recent major relapse. I fake it till I make it but now it’s so hard for me to do. I hosted large corporate parties. I give lectures. I teach. Never an issue. But I never ever EVER can walk into a building [or out actually] first. Always been that way.

14. Yes I do. I am very unlucky. But I have seen luck happen to others. I have had miracles happen to me. Shit it’s a miracle I’m still alive!! Anorexia should have killed me several times by now. So should have the car accident. I’ve also seen the miracle of a dying person who needs an organ to survive and gets it at the last possible minute. 

15. This summer I went on an amazing trip with two of my best friends to Las Vegas. Where mini birthday miracles happened. ;] I was able to have fun amidst the toxicity of my job and home life. I also learned whom to prioritize in my life.

16. Yes yes a thousand times yes! I look forward to kissing him again very soon!!

17. Sure there is life on other planets. I’m not saying humans, but microorganisms at least. If we are able to exist I do not see why it is so improbable for life anywhere else.

18. I think my first crush was a celebrity so we never talked. But my first crush in person? Noooo but we are Facebook friends. Small world. It means nothing though. And I was convinced I had a crush because I drank Orange Crush soda and decided I had an epiphany <—psychosis in elementary school r/t anorexia nervous and yet everyone still denied it!

19. Bubble baths… Hmmmm… PC loves them. I guess I’m not a fan because the water does not stay hot! I love hot tubs!! 

20. Heeheeheee my neighbors. Wow. Ummm. One set I absolutely adore they have been amazing! Another I have a confession about–I have possibly had sex dreams about him. Thankfully he is verrrry new. The another set the family is selfish and I’m convinced the teen son is doing drugs: I busted a drug drop by another scrawny teen. My hood ass threatened and then called the cops yet the cops didn’t even care!! Then 3 months later the dealer shows up at the house and breaks in puts the kid at gun point and escapes through our yard. That’s when they cared. Punk ass bitch. Take that shit somewhere else!! This is not the hood for drops!! Another neighbor set is loud and disrespectful playing music until 2am and trying to set our house on fire. Generally speaking the renters are very disrespectful because they dgaf. Gah. This area is too wealthy for that crap.

Ed, Edie, & Cassie Challenge: Part 1

This challenge will be an interesting one as my answers are now shaped by myself, Ed, and Edie. Let’s see if there is any difference!

Self Discovery Challenge: 1-10

1.  The last person I held hands with was PC. And I miss him. I do not receive much intimacy anymore–not since high school–and I miss it. The hugs, linked arms, hand holding. I need that touch.

2. I am loud, outgoing, and shy. The shyness recently came about with my anxiety exacerbations. When my agoraphobia is in high gear I’m stupid shy it angers me. Ed forces the shyness while Cassie is remembering how I’m loud and outgoing and have never been bothered before. I hate the change.

3. I am looking forward to seeing PC!! My man comes back to me for basically two weeks before he leaves me…again!! But we have our own vacation coming up.

4. I am very easy to get along with! The people who don’t are the ones who are jealous and/or intimidated. It is from their own insecurities that no matter what I do, they will not change. People hate those who are friendly and kind.

5. Unfortunately yes. My asshole long term exboyfriend. I gave up on him and ended it as it was going nowhere. Then I got into a program and wanted consistent sex, comfort of the known, and as horrible as this is, a place to escape to and someone I could manipulate in a way. He was in love with me but not enough to stand up to his antisemetic mother. There is a lot more to this that a simple question cannot cover. If enough demand, I’ll discuss my cheating exboyfriend.

6. Yes he would. I don’t think he would know what to do but I would tell him what I need and he would do it. I do not get drunk around people unless I feel safe and can trust them.

7. Yes. I would like to think PC and I will be good!! We feel solid and I love him so much!! I always have my adoring fans if needed. But I want PC. He’s my boo.

8. Now it is PC, my friends in Vegas, and an ex after these past questions… Come on!!

9. Nope! I love talking about it. I’ve researched STDs and protection/barrier methods. I worked in Public Health focusing on sex, STDs, and birth control methods. I enjoy it immensely and hate that it’s sooo taboo for women and not men. I’m comfortable with it and because of that all around me end up being so, too.

10. Last deep conversation… Maybe my dad? Or my mom’s coworker at thanksgiving? PC has been so off with time changes we just text which blows. I am for deep convos whenever I can with people if it feels right. 

The rest is to be continued…