“There’s a Korean word my grandma taught me. It’s called jung. It’s the connection between two people that can’t be severed, even when love turns to hate. You still have those old feelings for them; you can’t ever completely shake them loose of you; you will always have tenderness in your heart for them.”- Jenny Han, P.S. I Still Love You
How much I relate to this. This quote stopped me short when I heard it [doing the whole audiobook thing right now].
It takes a lot for me to hate someone. I hate so very few. Part of the whole PLURR lifestyle I live.
People who have hurt me and I hate I still think of. You know you’re fucked when you’re literally dead to me; when I feel nothing. This must be why.
Thank you to one of my new favorite blogger’s that I am following, R, for this nomination! ❤
– Share this image in your blog post.
– Write about 5 people in your life you are thankful for.
– Write about 5 things in 2015 that you are thankful for.
– Spread the love and challenge 5 other blogs to take part.
5 People I’m Thankful For:
PC: he has literally put up with my crazy. He has witnessed the anorexia take over me and seen me fight Ed’s voice. He stood by me during some of the hardest and most difficult times of my life–these past few months–while I was bullied and harassed at work. He never once gave me reason to doubt us. I am thankful for his strength when I was beyond weak.
Grainne: this lady is my long lost twin. She seems to get it and get me. I am thankful that she knows when to check in on me and always has the right words to say.
My friends’ daughters whom I babysit weekly: these girls have no idea how they have kept me alive … And often. When I have wanted to give up and die they are young fresh and loving. They have always loved me for me and see me for me. They have never seen me as fat or skinny. I am always Cassie to them. I cherish the time we have together and all the things we get to do. They are my own sanity.
My bffls: sometimes some of the, fail me but some of them are pretty damn solid, I always feel like I am letting them down but they yell at me for listening to Ed’s voice because I am not actually letting them down.
My therapy team and new doctor: Wow my real honest strength and support through my constant crisis and battle this past few years. They see me and deal with me. They care. My new doctor is absolutely amazing and I’m glad to have her!! I am destroyed that my therapy team is gone however.
Ya I am breaking the mold because I am also thankful formy supportive blog community: y’all who are reading this!! You read all my insanity, breakdowns, hysterics, panics, Ed’s voices, horrible stories, happy times, sad times, etc. you provide amazing support and celebrate with me. I am ever so grateful for this little community I have. It is exactly what I dreamed of when I set out and created this blog several years ago. Thank you! 💕
5 Things in 2015 That I’m Thankful For:
My *NEW JOB* because it has been one week and it is already so much healthier I have not once needed my Ativan or sleeping medications. I have eaten meals more as well. No real anxiety and I have pushed forward with my social anxiety challenges.
Pinterest because it helped me focus my OCD behaviors in constructive ways. I could obsess on there and organize to my heart’s content. I found things that helped me express myself better as well.
My Las Vegas birthday trip. It was amazing and what I needed with two of my best friends. It reminded me it is ok to take care of myself. It also showed me how my bffls are there for me. It also opened my eyes, painfully, to how no one acknowledged my birthday. Helped me prioritize me.
This Blog. It kept me going in so many ways. It helped, and helps, me feel validated. In a world where I am always invalidated, I know when I open this app, I matter and my problems and struggles are real.
EDM. It saved my life years ago. It continues to do so. Whenever I lose it, I turn it up reallllly loud so it vibrates in my body. It usually carries me away. It helps me escape.
Here is the scrubs drawer. With the last pair of scrub butts [that’s what I call them but they are scrub bottoms] in it before I pull them out.
And here is the drawer: all happy, positive, radiant, vibing good energy!! On the left side are my gym/dance tops and the right side my running tops. This just makes me so damn happy you have NO idea.
I feel like an Old Navy spokesperson and advertisement because uh yeah all my tops are Old Navy active… And so are my gym shorts and running shorts and pants. I love their active line! Cute, comfy, supportive, durable, and most importantly affordable!! And it comes in plus sizes up to 3x maybe even 4x. Yes ladies that is real life.
No, I was not endorsed or given anything by Old Navy to say what I just said, but I would gladly accept something considering how much I buy from them 😀
So there is my comeback. And yes please call it that! I love to be filling my life back up with the things that I love and seeing my Old Navy Active workout clothes gives me my happy vibes and excitement of times to come!
I have mentioned a couple times how I love the PLUR lifestyle. And how I love EDM. And adore things that glow in the dark. That I enjoy painting my nails. So I was quite ecstatic when my sister Andie told me about China Glaze’s new collection Electric Nights. It glows under UV blacklights. I am freaking out I am so excited!!!
I got my toosh on Ulta, the place I found it the cheapest, and bought each color. My sister got the glitters and the purples and sent me pictures. They are fabulush!!
Today’s picture(s) are of my order and the polishes! you just have to see the names!!!
SO CUTE!! I cannot wait till they arrive!! Perfect for my glow party PC and I will be doing later! 😛 K how cute are these lady?!?
A great way to keep the PLUR going during the hard times.
I just had an awesome conversation where I introduced someone to the PLUR lifestyle. I am SO excited!!
Of course I am still high!! But apparently he said my passions were more apparent than usual… I am more open and free.
Ok so maybe he is technically the last guy I dated and we had hooked up a couple times. And I know PC does not want me hanging out with him because he and I banged. Even though the sex is dead to me and I care about this kid as a friend.
And especially now that he is making the effort to listen to and experience my lifestyle!! He listened! He is listening to my songs. My favorite EDM. I gave him some variety.
And PC told me to go to bed.
I gave him my explanation why PLUR means so much to me.
Being a raver has such negative connotations but this guy never judges. Not that PC does.
But this kid did not cramp my high. He had a fun convo with me. Kept up with my passions. Let me explore myself.
Is that not one of the best parts of trips?
Here is mine.
Why I love the PLUR lifestyle: [PLUR stands for Peace, Love, Unity, Respect]
I practice this. Daily. Naturally. When I rediscovered it I felt like I found my place; I fit in. This is me in 4 letters. Anyone who knows me agrees.
I am wearing a PLUR belly button right now to remind myself of who I am so I do not lose myself; my hidden reminder.
Even with all that is going on with me, I still seem to practice this. Naturally. It is my root instinct.
Automatic connections and friendships with those who believe in this lifestyle.
I am still Jewish. But I do believe in PLUR and I am a raver. It is part of who I am.
The dancing. However you feel like. It is encouraged. I dance and when I do I just dgaf. I do me. Either you are dancing with me or are in my way so leave me alone.
The colors. The glow in the dark.
The music. Duh.
They actually have artistry and skill.
Seeing peace in everyone; united together as one. Makes my heart happy.
The kandi. It endorses sharing. A craft that encourages sharing your skill and love with each other’s. It’s beautiful.
My insight tonight:
Peace to those who hurt me, still.
Love for all even if they don’t deserve it and continue to hurt me; you never know if you are the only one loving them. Because I can’t help that I’m a lover.
I’ll always hope for unity. I will always encourage it, endorse it, foster it. I am a leader. We need more of it.
And respect. It’s all I want.
Alright my head is heavy. I have PLUR on my mind. Maybe I’ll blog with my favorite PLUR and raver pics later on courtesy of Pinterest.
I am going back to enjoying this rare opportunity. Glitter and lava lamps going. Music caressing my skin and ears. Woozy. Nauseated.