Tag Archive | asthma

Ramblings

I wish I had something wonderful and wise to share.

But all I keep coming back to is how fat I am and how fat I feel.

I am still injured and exercise feels like a drug that I am desperately craving: I need to be going like 6 hours a day.

The olympics make it worse. Seeing the gymnasts reminds me of all old potentials and my wasted careers. My wasted flexibly and stiffness I harbor now.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been sick with a cold and unable to breathe –shoutout to asthma– sporting severe dizziness and some nausea.

People are so spoiled to overrate normalcy. 

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Too Fat to Breathe?

Last weekend I ended up getting pretty sick.

It all started with a horrid sore throat. Which progressed to a runny and congested nose. This led to some hardcore coughs that were few and far apart.

In retrospect, it all started with a bunch of sneezing.

And it all started with a coworker who shared it. And got it from a patient.

Well I figured it was a basic cold; no biggie.

Everyone in the office seemed to get some variation of it and now it was my turn.

But thanks to that whole starving myself thing, I got it full on.

I’m immunosuppressed. Anorexia does that to you.

They don’t advertise that on the model campaigns. Or as thinspo.

I guess “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and being sick all the time because you’re immunosuppressed” isn’t catchy.

Well, when it first started, it was simple things.

Walking I would get winded.

I was convinced I was just getting fatter. I was clearly out of shape. I can’t breather because I’m fat!!!

I nearly passed out in the stairs from lack of oxygen–because I’m fat!!

This went on for a week.

I got sent home from work because I looked horrendous apparently.

My lips tingled. When I coughed, I would cough so hard I’d almost faint. My sinuses were beyond full. I still figured it was a cold.

One of my coworkers texted me Friday evening to tell me we had all been exposed to RSV–another coworker tested positive and that someone else transmitted it to us via a patient.

Normally, RSV is only bad for elderly adults and babies. But it’s also bad for those with asthma.

Guess who now knows she has asthma?!?!

I called my doctor to see if anything besides my current inhaler could help. I mean hitting it 5times a day without much help and still feeling like a fat ass because I can’t breathe while walking is ridiculous.

So to summarize: I literally can’t breathe, I have minimal oxygen, am confused, show all scary healthcare signs of poor oxygenation, and have Ed’s voice telling me it’s because I’m too fat on top of all that.

Oh and my damn pharmacy decided to close 4 hours early today so I couldn’t get my newest inhaler.

Yayyyyyyyy!

Because I don’t feel fat enough! I get to pant and feel dizzy every ten steps!

Thoughts in Pictures

Just been a rough week as those of you who have been following are aware. And just not sure I’m emotionally ready to deal with people tomorrow while I’m still fighting one battle at a time. 

Current battle: focus on breathing.

Then focus on eating. Then focus on not verbal cutting people even if she I mean they deserve it for their verbally assault ice commentary [I know it’s coming]. 

Yay anxiety!!

Then. One step at a time. Just a lot going on I haven’t even mentioned on here. If I did, I’d lose it. It’s too much to handle at once. 

   
 

Too Fat to Breathe?

Last weekend I ended up getting pretty sick.

It all started with a horrid sore throat. Which progressed to a runny and congested nose. This led to some hardcore coughs that were few and far apart.

In retrospect, it all started with a bunch of sneezing.

And it all started with a coworker who shared it. And got it from a patient.

Well I figured it was a basic cold; no biggie.

Everyone in the office seemed to get some variation of it and now it was my turn.

But thanks to that whole starving myself thing, I got it full on.

I’m immunosuppressed. Anorexia does that to you.

They don’t advertise that on the model campaigns. Or as thinspo.

I guess “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and being sick all the time because you’re immunosuppressed” isn’t catchy.

Well, when it first started, it was simple things.

Walking I would get winded.

I was convinced I was just getting fatter. I was clearly out of shape. I can’t breather because I’m fat!!!

I nearly passed out in the stairs from lack of oxygen–because I’m fat!!

This went on for a week.

I got sent home from work because I looked horrendous apparently.

My lips tingled. When I coughed, I would cough so hard I’d almost faint. My sinuses were beyond full. I still figured it was a cold.

One of my coworkers texted me Friday evening to tell me we had all been exposed to RSV–another coworker tested positive and that someone else transmitted it to us via a patient.

Normally, RSV is only bad for elderly adults and babies. But it’s also bad for those with asthma.

Guess who now knows she has asthma?!?!

I called my doctor to see if anything besides my current inhaler could help. I mean hitting it 5times a day without much help and still feeling like a fat ass because I can’t breathe while walking is ridiculous.

So to summarize: I literally can’t breathe, I have minimal oxygen, am confused, show all scary healthcare signs of poor oxygenation, and have Ed’s voice telling me it’s because I’m too fat on top of all that.

Oh and my damn pharmacy decided to close 4 hours early today so I couldn’t get my newest inhaler.

Yayyyyyyyy!

Because I don’t feel fat enough! I get to pant and feel dizzy every ten steps!