Tag Archive | engagement

Is It A…Sign?

I believe in signs. No not like “Stop” signs or posters. I mean in signs from G-d, premonitions, omens, foretellings; that sort of thing.

Sometimes I’m oblivious to them and realize them after the fact.

Sometimes I think my therapists are going to classify me as another degree of psychosis because of them.

Well two weekends ago, my parents paid a visit to PC and I. The entire visit was my mother complaining and kvetching about my sister planning her wedding. Alllll wedding talk. Mind you, this sister [I have multiple and almost all are younger than me], is not even engaged yet but still planning her wedding.

So talk about awkward, drama, and stress! I was worried about PC feeling pressured! It turns out I felt more of the pressure!

A day or so later, somehow Disney weddings came up. Next thing I know, PC and I are talking about Disney weddings. Freaked me out!!

Fast forward like a week.

We decided to meet at a totally new and random British pub for dinner. While waiting, I was informed there would be pub quiz. Cool!

PC shows up and we are finishing our meal when the pub quiz theme is announced: weddings.

I had a panic attack.

It was too much!!

I’ve come to realize that in my life it was an unattainable dream. I accepted I would never be married. I’m slowly adjusting to the fact that it could happen with PC.

But all these signs and in such a short period of time?!? Too much!!

Then my sister calls to tell me she is officially engaged [yay for her–and yes the one who is actively planning her wedding]. So Andi has a ring on her finger. And it seems my parents are pissed it wasn’t me first?

The eldest of us fucked up here by cheating–she’s a waste of space and tg she’s adopted. No blood relation to that self centered whore. Now one of my younger sisters.

I don’t mention the others much because they are a lot younger and I’d rather keep them out of this. I raised them so they were more like my kids than my siblings I guess. Idk.

Anyways. Large family. Tons of drama. Wedding signs everywhere. And I’m just trying to cope with this step of living with my partner. I’m not ready for marriage. The thoughts have been giving me anxiety and panic!

I’m too fat to be in a gown and nowhere near my ideal so it just can’t happen.

So universe, take your signs back. They are too scary.