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I work in a hostile work environment. Hostile is just a gentle word for what I really experience.

Thanks to anorexia, I am type A and always early, this never late. I am a hard worker because I am always worried about what others think of me and my reputation. I am self sacrificing. I have no boundaries.

I have been very abused and pushed and taken advantage of. Constantly humiliated and made to feel worthless. Questioned my own life.

My own therapy team doesn’t know what to do. I called them hysterical last week. They had no solution because they are so blown away by what’s happening. 

So for the first time ever, I ditched Cherry today. Didn’t even bother calling to say I wasn’t coming. Considering she didn’t even make an effort to help me through beyond life crisis last week. Ya. She didn’t even bother to follow up. Forget you. Team Cassie my ass.

So it only seems fitting to ditch my other therapy appointment tomorrow morning. What’s the point? Nothing they can do to help. Literally. Can’t get me a new job. That’s truly the only solution. 

Y’all have no clue how bad this is. I withhold how bad things are. 

I even mentioned something to PC while he was overseas for work because I was convinced I was going to hurt myself and get hospitalized and he needed to know how bad things were first.

I honestly was convinced that today I was going to be taken away on a 5150. Well seems I’m too smart for them… I’d never tell them how I do have plans for killing myself or hurting myself. How the anorexia is how I hurt myself because I cannot hurt others.