Next Adventure

I’m honestly not sure how I got here. Or if I can get through it. But I’ll try.

No one ever talks about trying to get pregnant while having an eating disorder. No one talks about being pregnant with one either.

So. Here is to my journey.

My brain is fighting itself. There is fear. There is excitement. There are so many things.

On Monday, I had my IUD removed. First time since I was 19 years old I do not have any birth control. No hormones.

Part of this is exciting because the progesterone has definitely made me gain weight. And keep it on. All while fighting to force myself to eat to lose weight. Fun battle.

But I’m choosing to get fat.

My team has been so great in coaching me through it all.

Stay on the Lexapro. Start therapy a few months before starting to get pregnant. Stay in therapy until a few months after baby is born. Keep in touch with medical team through whole process. Practice all the tools you’ve learned.

Sounds easy enough, right?

If I could I would have put this off even longer. I wanted to lose more weight first. I want to do this and that. Between my age and COVID, I can’t wait any longer. I want to have kids. I don’t want the pregnancy and child birth process. Just….magically appear with my DNA.

What if I don’t get enough nutrients?! What if I fuck this kid up because of my poor eating?!

Everyone keeps saying that it all changes when you’re pregnant. You’re not getting fat….You’re sustaining life. But how do I know?! There’s no other documentation from people who suffer like me. Minimal studies and research–ya I checked.

So I hope I can provide guidance to at least one other person. I hope it’s helpful.

To this next adventure.