Still Breathing!!

Ladies and gentlemen I am still alive!! And better yet, am so from my own bed–not a hospital one!!

This virus I got has wiped me out. It has confirmed my lungs are not as perfect as I thought they once were. It makes me feel weak and pathetic–things I do not do well.

But while I’ve been struggling to breathe, I am still breathing!!

I have avoided hospitalization [major phobia]!!

I am on tons of fluids, several inhalers, peak flow monitoring, and bed rest. For over a week.

Mentally I am sooo done! Physically I can’t do anything.

I have watched tv and movies. I have finished two books and bounced between 5 others [sooo bored]. I have organized, mentally, my room so when I have energy I can attack it. I have spent hours on Pinterest. I have also spent hours just lying in bed because of sheer exhaustion.

I’m physically exhausted walking the corner to the bathroom. Talking a full sentence is interrupted so I can breathe. I sound like I ran a marathon with how I pant. PC and I mainly communicate by text right now. My parents have learned my current forms of sign language because grunting is a lot. When PC wants to even hear my grunts he still calls and just basically chats my ear off.

Thankfulky, I have seen improvement! We upped one of my steroids [helloooo Ahnold lungs] and I was able to talk today and walk some with minor dizziness. Yay improvement! Nice to know I’m not dying!!

I know this ish is really serious and I should be scared… But I have to be the calm one because no one else is. And panic will not help with breathing issues!!

Anyways, I guess I pushed myself too hard today because I ended up napping for 5hours. Hard. Like 8 missed texts and 2 missed calls. And I sleep texted someone. No recollection.

While my oxygen checks out fine, I’m retaining a lot of carbon dioxide. I still think I’m lacking the O2. And my breathing hurts–supraclavicular breathing in a stomach deep breather = extremely shallow/rapid and sore.

But I’m getting slightly better!!

And I am not in the hospital!!

Cause if I was I’d probably end up in the eating disorder unit. Thanks but no thanks. I’m using avoidance to not have a major breakdown right now as it is!

Still breathing.

Focus on the breathing.